I have just emerged from a 21 day retreat at the major Wat in Chiang Mai, Doi Suthep. Am not sure how much detail I can give here to encapsulate the experience, but will do my best!
Over the course of 21 days, my general timetable was as follows:
4.30am, rise, make prostrations and begin walking, standing and sitting meditation.
6.30am, receive breakfast
8.00am, receive dhamma talk (Teacher sharing major concepts of buddhist philosophy and practice via theory and stories)
9-11am, practice sitting and walking meditation
11.00am, receive lunch then rest, walk, sit.
12.30pm, practice sitting and walking meditation
3.00pm, report to Teacher, explain problems, receive advice.
4.00 - 8.30ish, practice sitting and walking meditation, listen to monks chanting at main temple next to stupa or look at the amazing view over Chiang Mai as the sun sets.
9ish, practice lying meditation then sleep.
On the first day, I was taught how to make mindful prostrations (bowing to the Buddha), and given the first techinques. I began with 15 minutes walking and 15 minutes sitting and during the course progressed to 50 minutes walking and 50 minutes sitting. The walking meditation began with 'right goes thus, left goes thus', then progressed through a number of steps until 'heel up, lifting, moving, lowering, toe down, putting'.
For the sitting meditation, the first few days I was practicing concentration on the rising and falling of the belly, then was invited to bring awareness to various points on the body. I was given two new points each day to progressively move my consciousness through the body.
When the mind wandered away to sounds, or thoughts, or feelings, I noted the experience then returned to the practice. So, walking meditation might go: 'right goes thus, left goes thus, right.... hmmmm, wonder what I should take to Nepal with me? Perhaps I could swap my boots there for a pair that fits....'. Then becoming aware, 'Thinking, thinking, thinking... Right goes thus, left goes thus, right goes thus...' etc.
Over time, so many different thoughts and experiences arose. I became aware of many tendencies which are just part of human experience... worry, anger, sadness. And the body also presented many sensations... pain, itching, discomfort, restlessness. For all these things, my task was simply to note them and let go. I was also noting sense objects as well, seeing, hearing, smelling, tasting etc. So if I looked out the window to the forest and saw small squirrels racing about the trees, I noted, seeing, seeing, seeing.
During meditation (as reflecting general life), there were 5 hindrances that arose also - kind of like subconcious undermining of the practice; sloth (sleepiness), restlessness and worry, doubt, liking and disliking. I loved the morning meditation just before lunch (liking, liking, liking) because I could smell the food being prepared for my dinner. Sometimes, the allocated time would seem to take hours (waiting, waiting, waiting) and I would become impatient for it to finish (restlessness, restlessness, restlessness). Other times, particularly after lunch, I would be so sleepy I couldn't concentrate at all (sleepy, sleepy, sleepy).
While meditators are advised not to speak for the duration of the retreat on about day 8 or 9 I noticed people having quiet conversations. I overheard two meditators talking about the 'Termination period'. My curiosity was piqued. Eventually, on about day 14, Teacher said to me with mock seriousness, 'On day 17 you will be going into the Period of Determination. This is three days. First, no speaking; second, no shower; third, (here, he paused) no sleeping'. I thought, 'oh, that's not so bad, I can handle not sleeping for one night'. On day 16, Teacher gave more detail and I discovered I had misunderstood him initially. On day 17, I went into my room where I was to stay for 3 days and nights, without showering, talking or sleeping. My meals were delivered to me and each morning at reporting, I received new instructions for practice.
Day one, I cannot really recall, however the first night was filled with doubt and anger... walking meditation went thus 'This is stupid, what is Teacher thinking? What's the point of this? How can this help me?'. And my body was desperate for sleep. When practicing sitting meditation, my head would drop forward as my consciousness fell into a deeper place like sleep. At reporting the next morning, my Teacher thanked me for my practice and explained that the first day shows our commitment to practice and ability to stay with the experience.
The second day I was given a new task; to practice longer periods of walking meditation and progressively shorter periods of sitting. In the sitting, I was to count how many times my head dropped forward. I wished I had a set of mala beads (prayer beads) as these would have helped the counting! The first two sits, I was able to record precisely how many times the dropping occured. The next few, during the day, there was no dropping at all. Through the night I could make no accurate record as my mind was beyond counting. The walking meditation became more and more painful as my feet were meeting on tiled floor beneath a thin carpet.
The task for the third day was to practice lovingkindness, forgiveness and to come to a peaceful sensation. Teacher reminded me to rest, 'take care your mind, take care your body', so I spent time massaging my feet and set shorted periods of practice for myself. During the walking meditation, many random people came into my consciousness and to each one, I asked forgiveness for any hurt I may have caused, and gave forgiveness for any hurt given to me. It was a wonderfully healing and heart-opening day. The third night my body had come to its limit and though I tried to practice walking meditation, the pain was too great, my body was slipping to the left and right with each step and I had to sit down. Nor could I practice sitting meditation, my body was lurching forward and to the side with each moment. At about 3.30 in the morning I sat in a comfortable upright position 'just for a moment', I thought, and woke at 4.30 when another meditator went to the bathroom. She had just completed her period of determination, and as she walked by my room she said, 'Congratulations, you made it'. I replied 'But I fell asleep!'. And she let me know that just about everyone does at some point. I was able to complete one more round of sitting and walking before going to report to my Teacher.
He explained that the three day period of Determination creates conditions in which we can learn to be with very strong experience, whether that be very high or very low. To sit with that experience is a wonderful skill for life. Although it was very difficult, I am grateful to have had the opportunity. It was actually fascinating to watch how the body and mind were effected by the lack of sleep, and to see how strong I can be in overcoming the instincts of the body. It has changed my relationship to sleep and I hope that in future when I am tired, I will not automatically become cranky.
I am so grateful to have had this experience. After reading Buddhist meditation books for so many years, it is wonderful to have received dhamma teachings from someone who lives those teachings. Although the 'silent' aspect of the retreat had diminished to full conversations between meditators by the end, it was still a rewarding time. The staff were supportive, the food was amazing, and our Teacher was kind, warm, compassionate and wise. I hope to continue to apply the teachings to my for the benefit of myself and my family, friends, colleagues, acquaitances...
So, onto Pai to stay at an organic farm for three days, then I fly to Nepal!!!
